Sour Garden - Peering Through a Window

So, I've been kinda thinking lately about creation. Not particularly a theist version, but, like, creation as an artist.
For most artists, creation comes naturally, but for others, like me, I can only create once I've consumed something, and I believe all my creation comes from that - it's not a nice way of saying it, but it's a sort of regurgitation of topics and themes I've seen before.
But this can be said of all artists - the act of creating art is developing something you or others have seen or made before. Nature is the original artist, but it could be said that even nature is unoriginal, as all it creates is made from things that it has recognized have worked and developed.
I am an artist. I draw from other artists on the food chain, but not predatively - all artists are simply beneficially parasitic off of the ones they have witnessed, so on, so forth, until we get to the ouroboros that is Nature feeding on itself.
I'm hungry. I think I'm going to make some fish sticks tonight. I don't think I have tartar sauce though, so that sucks.

I've worked in several places in my life - thrift stores, greenhouses (though that was for school), restaurants, escape rooms... I've enjoyed the people I work with and the connections I make.
Though, eventually, the times get horrible and I have to look for work somewhere else.
I currently work at a toy store - an old mom-and-pop type deal. I enjoy my time there, honestly, I like using my knowledge of boardgames to connect with people and I think it's one of the more relaxed jobs I've worked at (though I am dreading the holiday season). It's really nice recommending games to people and having them seriously enjoy my recommendations.
I really do want to go back into entertainment, though. Working at the escape room was entertaining and fun, and I would love to go back... but I'm not ready to make that commute again.

I haven't eaten breakfast yet. I woke up maybe... two hours ago at the time of writing? When did I even last eat?

It's a little odd being an artist or someone who likes to create. You get inspiration from the world, but it's hard to get recognition back.
Or maybe that's just me. I don't have a particular style, with a lot of hard lines and barely any attention to finer detail like the artists I surround myself with. I have attractive art, sure, but when other people are making things with more drive and passion behind it and end up with art you can compare yours to, well, it's the two cakes analogy all over again.
That being said... I'm not unhappy with my art. I enjoy what I do and I like what I make. Sure, I have 130-something characters and no intents to do anything with them, but isn't part of being an artist just the joy of creation? A blow to the ego when it's not recognized like the others, but I like it, so that's all that matters.
I gotta go to bed soon. It's about 11am and I gotta work opening shift tomorrow. If you're reading this, check out this song. I really like it and it's been driving a lot of my walks to work.

Happy holidays, everyone. Enjoy one of my favorite songs.

Hey everyone. It's been a while, but I'm working at the toy store right now, so we'll have to chat later. Don't worry about me, I'm okay. Just like... three or so hours til I get off shift? I've just been meaning to type up another entry for a while and couldn't find any time to.
I hope you're all doing fine. I'll have to do another entry when I get home.
See y'all.

I've been thinking a lot, just simple things. The artistic endeavors, my own style, my job, my enjoyment. Things like that.
It's weird. I give a lot to the joy of creation but I don't often feel the urge to... create, y'know? I want nothing more than to design things for my own enjoyment, but my mental state pushes things away that I don't feel capable of doing. And it's not that I don't want to, lord knows I want to. I just never have the urge to create when I want to create. I'm always exhausted or wired or debilitatingly sick or upset or something that prevents me from being... y'know, creative.
I dunno. It's nothing unusual for me. One day I'll do it, and I know I'll do it and people will like what I make. I just have to be patient.

Closed my eyes, went to sleep, and drifted downwards...

I was asked what kind of Pokemon I would be.

I'm Apple.

Currently at my job and thinking about my current hyperfixation.
I've been getting super into Magic the Gathering lately. I really need to start playing MTGArena again, so that I can actually get some practice in and learn what I want to do with my one deck.
I should also start thinking about adding more pages to this website. I have the layout panels around somewhere on my home computer, I just haven't gotten around to working on it yet.
Working on this place is a fun pass-time, it helps me get my thoughts out. It's my own little... y'know. Sour Garden.
I may not get much traffic here, but it's nice tending to the flowers. Maybe I should have people help me water them now and again.

Well, late birthday, I guess. I turned 23 a few days ago - congrats on knowing my actual age now - and haven't really been doing much to celebrate. I don't even feel like I should do anything to particularly celebrate. It might be oversharing but I never really had birthday parties. Even doing something for myself now kinda feels out of the scope for it, y'know?
Either way, it happened and I'm older now. And surprisingly it's been about the same since before. I just don't really get it. It's a weird feeling that I have only to wait out. One day it'll get better. I just need an endless bottle of soda and four years paid time off.

I've been so, so busy lately. Been barely motivated to work on any of my projects, my due comms, go to actual work (which I am right now). Tomorrow I have plans, the day after, the day after, the day after.
It's fine to be busy. But I've been burnt so much that the wax has melted off the wick.
Hopefully I'll have something big to update this site with soon. I say that every time, but one of these days I will.
I do have something I did make... I'll have to find some time to update it and tape it to the site.

I won my first game of Commander last night! It was really fun. I'm so glad I got to go out and do something interesting. I almost never get out anymore, but recently I've been trying to get out of my head and out of the house to clear my thoughts. It's really been helping, especially now that the temperature is bearable. I've even switched to my nicer jacket, but it's still somehow blazing hot in the store.
I'll have to update the Magic page later to show my remastered Red deck. One of the people I played with gave me a few cards to upgrade it and make it more viable, which I'm very grateful for. I'll have to figure out what to toss now, though... Commander is harder than I thought to make something fun for. People seem to like what I have, though, and I even won with it, but still...

I haven't updated in forever. Sorry about that. Here's a recipe for sausage gravy.

- Ground sausage tube (i prefer maple flavored)
- Milk (2.5 cups)
- Flour (0.25 cups)
1. Cook sausage in a large shallow pan until it's all cooked. Make sure it's broken up into small pieces as best you can, but you can continue breaking up throughout.
2. Once all sausage is thoroughly cooked, add the flour and stir until it coats all the cooked meat. I usually can tell this is done by the noise - if it's all coated, it's all quiet.
3. Once all the meat is coated, add all of the milk and stir continuously. Keep it hot and stirring. Once it starts to boil, turn the heat to low and keep stirring.
4. Congrats, you're done! Taste with a spare utensil and add salt/pepper/other seasons until it's right where you like it.

I like to put it on biscuits. Usually I pop a roll of biscuits, put it in the oven, and by the time I finish up with the gravy the biscuits are done. Easy to make, tasty, and can be reheated really easily.